On the lighter side
18 Things You can Learn from a Dog
1. Never pass opportunity to go for a joy ride
2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy
3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
4. When it is to your best interest, practice obedience
5. Let others know when they have invaded you territory
6. Take naps, and stretch before rising
7. Run, Romp , and Play daily
8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm
9. Be loyal
10. Never pretend to be something you're not.
11. If what you want is buried, dig until you find it.
12. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle him or her gently.
13. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
14. Avoid biting when simple growl will do
15. On hot days, drink a lot of water and lie under a shady tree
16. When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
17. Delight in a simple joy of a long walk.
18. No matter how often you are scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout....run right back and make friends.
If you can
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any
time,
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when,
through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice
against creed, color, religion or politics,
Then, my friend,... you are almost as good as your dog!
Dog Laws
1. If I like it, it's mine.
Life Lessons Learned from a Dog
1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get
what you want.
Dog's pet peeves about humans
1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.
DOG TALES . . .
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down,
it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel
by piddling on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the
crotch is most effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility
(as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).
8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.
2. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all.
3. Yelling at me for barking...I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU @%$# IDIOT!!!
4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt??)
5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyways?
6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it!!
7. Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet?
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet..idiot.
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're jealous.
10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile.
11. Any hair cut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff when you are not home.
12. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
13. Taking me to the vet for the "big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.
14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog. What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.
15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my knowledge, dogs have not yet solved the visible fence problem.
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
-Ann Landers
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
-Will Rogers
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare.And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
-Sigmund Freud
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
-Rita Rudner
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
-Robert Benchley
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
-James Thurber
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
-Unknown
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
-Anne Tyler
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
-Dave Barry
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in our pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret
My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.
-Unknown